11:24 pm - 2013-07-14
Sadness & despair
I think I need to write. I wanna write.
I hurt. I isolate myself from the outer world completely and live a loners life. Right now, I really need to be alone. I need to heal. This feels right.
When I was little, I never cried. I started to cry when I hit my teens. Then I cried every day. I cry pretty often today, still. Heavy thoughts are coming down on me and I don't know what to do.
I am sick, but I've felt worse.
I struggle to keep myself together, every day. I struggle with everything. That's how it feels. What am I supposed to do when the flashbacks are entering and I just wanna die? Take the plunge or keep on living?
I don't know. I just... I think I'm in desperate need of talking to my therapist. But he's on vacation.
I dream of my abuser and I am that little victim all over again. It ruins the best of me. I'm going bonkers, I need a lot of hugs, comfort & support. But I don't ask for it, so I have to comfort myself somehow.
*closes eyes and takes deep breath*
I guess this is a phase I must go through to come out on the other side.
Healthier and healed.
